Books

Glossary

Air Cupboard

This is a cupboard over the top of the hot-water heater in a house. It is used for keeping towels and sheets warm on cold winter nights. Er, at least that’s what it’s used for in normal people’s homes. In my home it is Libby’s play den or Angus and Gordy’s winter headquarters. It is therefore far from hygienic. In fact, you would be a fool to put anything in there.

Arvie

Afternoon. From the Latin “arvo”. Possibly. As in the famous Latin invitation: “Lettus meetus this arvo.”

Bacofoil

Aluminium foil for cooking things in the oven. By the way, did you know that Hamburger-a-gogo types leave out the second “i” in aluminium. If they can’t be arsed to have vowels later on in words, where would we be? Do they say plutonum? Or titanum? No, they don’t. Otherwise the whole thing would just become a sham and very very tedus. Not to menton confusng.

Blimey O’Reilly

(As in “Blimey O’Reilly’s trousers”.) This is an Irish expression of disbelief and shock. Maybe Blimey O’Reilly was a famous Irish bloke who had extravagantly big trousers; we may never know the truth. The fact is, whoever he is, what you need to know is that: a) it’s Irish and b) it is Irish. I rest my case.

Blodge

Biology. Like Geoggers – Geography, or Froggie – French.

BluTack

Blue plasticine stuff that you stick stuff to other stuff with. It is very useful for sticking stuff to other stuff. Tiptop sticking stuff actually. I don’t know why it’s called BluTack when it clearly should be called Blue Sticking Stuff. Also, blue is spelt wrong, but that’s life for you.

Bovril

A disgusting drink that is supposed to be good for you. It’s made out of cows’ feet. It is. Well, I think it is.

Boy entrancers

False eyelashes. Boys are ALWAYS entranced when you wear them. This is a FACT… unless of course they get stuck together and then boys think you are mad and blind and not entrancing at all.

Chokey

A prison cell. Also known as pokey. Maybe because they are quite small cells.

Chuddie

Chewing gum.

Clud

This is short for cloud. Lots of really long boring poems and so on can be made much snappier by abbreviating words. So Tennyson’s poem called Daffodils (or “Daffs”) has the immortal line, “I wandered lonely as a clud.” Ditto, Rom and Jul. Or Ham. Or Merc of Ven.

Curly Wurly

A choccy woccy doodah bar that is all curly and whirly. See milky pops.

Div

He’s from New York, New York. He stands in blocks of ice for a year without food, and steals other people’s watches. He came to England and hung around in a glass cage over Tower Bridge for a month. No one knows why.

Do

A “do” is any sort of occasion. A celebration. Say it was your birthday, I would say, “It’s your birthday, let’s have a bit of a do.” Or, as in Elvis Atwood’s case, I would say, “Let’s not have a leaving do, can’t he just go?” Or perhaps I’m being a bit harsh. No, I am not.